I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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