Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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