I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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