Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
