Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
