he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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