sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
