Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize