I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
