don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
