Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
