Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
