come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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