Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
