Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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