It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
