wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
