You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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