I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize