I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
