Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
