This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
