Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize