Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize