Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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