grandma shit on top of the toilet
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
