i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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