margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
