Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
