Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
