His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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