I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
