look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
