If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Floor bacon is actually really good
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
