i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize