I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
