The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
