I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
