Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
