craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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