he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
