i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
