As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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