I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
