Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
