She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
