I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
