need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
