what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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