I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
