I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
honey bunches of taint.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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