k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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