I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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