i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
