did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
