I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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