I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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