if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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