Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
