He asked to "fluff my boner.."
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
