whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
