This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
