I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
